Friday, May 11, 2012

Dark Shadows

  • Carolyn Stoddard: Are you stoned or something?
    Barnabas Collins: They tried stoning me, my dear. It did not work.
  • Barnabas Collins: Love means never having to say you’re sorry. However, it is with sincere regret that I must now kill all of you.
  • Angelique Bouchard: Hello, Barnabas. Remember me?
    Barnabas Collins: Witch! You cursed me to be this hideous creature! You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!
  • Barnabas Collins: How soon can the horses be ready?
    Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: We don’t have horses, we have a Chevy.
  • Carolyn Stoddard: I guess the only thing missing is Alice Cooper.
    Barnabas Collins: Well, she should be our guest, nonetheless! Ugliest woman I’ve ever seen!
  • Barnabas Collins: What is your age, if I may?
    Carolyn Stoddard: Fifteen.
    Barnabas Collins: Fifteen, and no husband? You must put those birthing hips to good use at once, lest your womb shrivel up and die.
    Carolyn Stoddard: You’re weird.
  • Barnabas Collins: Have you any idea what you put me through?
    Angelique Bouchard: Barnabas, get over it.
    Barnabas Collins: Locked in a box for two hundred years!
    Angelique Bouchard: Don’t exaggerate, it was only a hundred and ninety-six.
  • Barnabas Collins: My name is Barnabas Collins. Two centuries ago, I made Collinwood my home… until a jealous witch cursed me, condemning me to the shadows, for all time.
  • Barnabas Collins: What sorcery is this?! Reveal yourself, tiny songstress!
  • Barnabas Collins: Tell me, future dweller, what is the year?
    Willie Loomis: 1972.
    Barnabas Collins: 1972? Here me, future dweller, you shall be my loyal servant until such time as I release you.
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